Learn how to talk to your teen about consent with clarity and compassion—so they’re equipped for healthy, respectful relationships.
Talking to your teen about sexual consent can feel daunting, especially when you want to uphold your values while equipping them for the world they face. This guide will help you approach the topic with compassion, clarity and practicality. The aim is to direct them towards healthy relationships and protect them from sexual violence, while keeping the lines of communication open—no matter what choices they make.
Why consent matters for young people
Consent is more than just saying “yes” or “no” to sex. It’s about understanding boundaries, respecting others, reaching mutual agreement and maintaining safety. It includes reading body language, being able to speak up and knowing when someone else is unsure or uncomfortable.
As parents, we can teach our teens that genuine love and connection are built on respect, care and open communication. Many families value waiting to engage in sexual activity until it happens in a safe, committed relationship, like marriage. Regardless of when someone chooses to be sexually active, the ability to give and receive informed consent is essential.
Consent is the foundation of all sexual activity, whether it’s a kiss, a touch or more intimate acts. In Australia, consent laws and legal definitions vary by state, but the core principle is the same: Every person involved in a sexual act must give informed consent, freely, voluntarily and with a full understanding of what they’re agreeing to.
Consent isn’t just a legal box to tick. It’s about respect, communication and caring for another’s wellbeing. Teaching your teen about consent helps them build healthy sexual relationships and avoid situations that could lead to sexual assault, sexual offences or child sexual abuse.
A positive attitude towards sex
If you have a faith background and have taught your teen the value of waiting until marriage to have sex, you should also instil in them the idea that sex is a sacred act—designed by God to be shared with love, respect and mutual pleasure between husband and wife. Whatever you do, don’t give your kids the idea that sex is “dirty” or “bad”. That could damage their future relationships.
Even if your teen chooses to wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse, understanding consent is still crucial. They may face peer pressure, encounter confusing situations or need to support friends navigating these issues.
Research tells us that the vast majority of girls are grossly unprepared for situations of sexual pressure. A study published in the journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy found that of the nearly 500 girls aged 12–18 years surveyed who’d sent explicit photos of themselves, only eight per cent actually wanted to. The remaining 92 per cent did it because of a desire to please, to acquiesce or to avoid conflict with a boy.
Start with everyday conversations
You don’t need to schedule a serious sit-down talk. Look for natural moments to bring it up—while watching a movie, hearing a news story or driving home from school.
You could ask questions like:
- “What do your friends think it means to give or get consent?”
- “Have you ever seen something in a show or at school that made you think, That wasn’t okay?”
- “What are some signs that might tell you a relationship isn’t healthy or safe?”
Don’t expect a deep conversation right away. The goal is to open the door, show you’re a safe person to talk to and plant seeds that grow over time.
You should also affirm them of their rights:
- “If you start something and then feel uncomfortable, you can always stop.”
- “If someone pressures you to continue or you pressure someone else to continue, it is called sexual assault.”
- “No-one should ever pressure you to do sexual things you don’t want to.”
Practical questions you can ask once your teen is more open to the topic:
- “What would you do if someone you liked wanted to do something sexual, but you weren’t sure?”
- “How would you handle a situation where your partner said yes at first but then changed their mind?”
- “Why do you think some people feel pressured to say yes to sexual activity?”
- “Have you ever felt uncomfortable with someone’s touch? What did you do?”
- “How can you make sure your partner is comfortable and wants the same things as you?”
- “What does a healthy sexual relationship look like to you?”
Explaining key concepts of consent
Understanding the basics of consent is crucial for helping teens make safe, respectful choices in their relationships. This means going beyond the simple idea of “yes” or “no” and diving into the nuances—like how consent must be clear, ongoing and freely given.
By breaking down these key concepts, you can equip your teen with the tools they need to navigate boundaries, recognise red flags and build healthy connections grounded in mutual respect.
Express consent versus implied consent
- Express consent is a clear, verbal “yes”. It’s the gold standard for all sexual conduct.
- Implied consent (assuming someone is okay with something because of their actions) is risky and can lead to misunderstandings or even sexual offences.
Affirmative consent
- Both people must actively agree to each new step in a sexual encounter.
- Consent to one act (like kissing) doesn’t mean consent to another (like sexual intercourse).
Personal information and privacy
Remind your teen that sharing personal information or intimate photos is also a form of consent. They should never feel pressured to share things they’re not comfortable with.
Addressing common myths and misunderstandings
When it comes to consent, many teens absorb confusing—even harmful—messages from peers and media or feel pressured by social expectations. That’s why it’s so important to address the myths and misunderstandings head-on. By gently challenging false beliefs and replacing them with clear, accurate information, you can help your teen develop a stronger, healthier understanding of consent—one that empowers them to make respectful choices and recognise when something isn’t right.
Myth 1: “If they didn’t say no, it’s okay.”
Not true. Consent must be clear and enthusiastic. Silence or uncertainty is not consent.
Myth 2: “If we’ve done it before, it’s always okay.”
Consent must be given every time for every act. Past consent doesn’t mean future consent.
Myth 3: “Only girls need to worry about consent.”
Consent is for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual identity. Boys, girls and non-binary young people all have the right to give and withdraw consent.
Your influence matters
Topics like sexuality often stir up deep emotions—for us as adults just as much as for our kids. You might feel unsure because of past mistakes or worry that sharing too much will send the wrong message. Or maybe you feel like you haven’t built the kind of close bond that makes these conversations feel natural.
Whatever your situation, take intentional steps to show vulnerability. Share your experiences with wisdom and care—only as much as is truly helpful for them. This honesty can help your teen feel less alone and more understood, especially when navigating their own natural questions and desires around sex and relationships.
Most importantly, remember: You are one of your teen’s most powerful influences, possibly the most important one. Keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep speaking life and truth. Your presence and guidance will leave a lasting impact far beyond what you may see right now.
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