Struggling with potty training setbacks? Discover why it might not be working and practical tips to help your child succeed with confidence.
You’ve read the books and bought the cute potty chair. You’ve cleared your weekend for the famous three-day potty training method, armed with training pants, sticker charts and all the optimism and motivation in the world.
But now? It’s been weeks (or months). You’re cleaning up yet another puddle and all the dirty nappies are spilling out of your rubbish bin. Your toddler is screaming at the sight of the toilet seat. You’re exhausted, they’re confused and the only thing consistent about your potty training journey is the chaos.
If you’re in this space right now, hear this: You’re not failing. It doesn’t mean your child’s intelligence is lacking. This is more normal than you think.
So, let’s talk about the signs, the possible reasons and how to regroup without losing your sanity (or your washing machine).
Take a step back
When things aren’t working, the normal response is to push even harder. Set more timers. Offer more rewards. Get more frustrated. But often, what everyone needs is a break: A long weekend off potty training, a mental reset and permission to make mistakes without judgement.
If you’ve been trying for a while and it’s become a battleground, your child may have started associating the potty with stress and anger. That’s hard to undo if you just keep pushing.
It’s okay to have a breather, take a minute and put some space between you both and the potty. Sometimes, both of you need a fresh mindset around the whole ordeal.
Why potty training might not be working
Here are some of the most common reasons toilet training stalls and what they can look like in real life:
1. They’re just not ready (even if they’re the “right” age)
Everyone talks about 18 months, two years or three years as the “best” time. But child development doesn’t follow calendars. If your toddler can’t recognise the feeling of needing to go or struggles to pull down their pants, they might not be physically or emotionally ready, and that’s okay.
Some children take until 36 months or beyond to fully grasp the process, especially for staying dry for longer periods.
2. They’re in a big life transition
Got a new baby? Moved house? Started childcare? Even things that seem small to us can feel huge to a toddler and completely throw off their routine.
Toilet training is a big deal and toddlers need a calm, predictable space to master it. Big changes can disrupt that sense of security.
3. They’ve developed a fear or aversion
Toddlers are sensitive. One scary flush or painful bowel movement can create fear. They may start holding it in, resisting or even experience stool toileting refusal.
That fear can snowball. Suddenly, they don’t want to sit on the potty or they’ll only go in a nappy, even if they know how to use the toilet.
What to do when it’s not working
It’s not about giving up (that doesn’t mean pushing on), it’s about regrouping. Here’s what that can look like:
1. Go back to nappies without shame
This isn’t failure. It’s compassion. If nappies take the pressure off and bring a sense of peace, use them. Reframing it as a break rather than quitting can be incredibly helpful for everyone involved.
2. Rebuild trust around toileting
Don’t force them onto the potty. Instead, leave it out like a toy. Let them sit fully clothed. Read them a funny book about potty training. Talk casually about going to the toilet without demanding anything. The goal is to remove the pressure to be perfect.
3. Stop asking every five minutes
We’ve all done it: “Do you need to go now? What about now? Are you sure?” But constant asking can make toddlers shut down. Try using gentle routines instead: “We sit on the potty after lunch,” or “Let’s try before our bath.”
If they say no, let that be okay. Maybe they are afraid or avoidant now, but they won’t always be.
What if there are constant accidents?
Accidents are going to happen, but if it feels like every attempt ends with wet pants and tears (theirs or yours), it could mean:
- They don’t feel the urge in time. A sign their body just isn’t ready for bladder control.
- They’re too distracted or don’t want to stop playing, which is common for energetic toddlers.
- You’re in the wrong season. Some kids just aren’t open to trying during busy phases or colder months. Let’s be honest, nobody wants to sit on a freezing cold potty or toilet seat.
Try not to frame accidents as failures. Clean up together, calmly. Use phrases like, “Oops, let’s try again later,” or “Next time, we’ll get to the potty faster.”
Ditch the guilt and comparisons
Your friend’s kid might have been potty trained in three days. The internet is full of miracle stories and potty training success tales that make you wonder what you’re doing wrong.
Here’s the truth: Every child is wired differently. You’re not behind. Your toddler isn’t stubborn or lazy. It’s a learning process—one that might take three days, three months or longer.
Potty training isn’t a reflection of your parenting. It’s a new skill and all skills take time to master. We’ve all been beginners and the aim is to fail often and fail well, so we can move forward faster with what works and what doesn’t. Going from nappies for two years to having to do it all on the loo is a big step for a little one.
It’s a good idea to keep conversations with others to a minimum if this helps you with comparison issues and especially never in your child’s presence. It can make them feel even worse about themselves.
Some creative ideas for when you try again
When you’re ready to give it another shot—whether that’s next week or next month—try mixing it up:
- Set up the soft toys as if they’re going to the toilet too. Talk to the soft toys, encouraging or celebrating them using the potty and tell them how amazing your little one is learning how to go on the potty. Or let them potty train their doll or stuffed animal first; a great way to model without pressure.
- Keep a “potty basket” of books or toys near the loo to make sitting there more appealing.
- Let them choose their own potty seat and training pants.
- Have regular intervals where potty time is just part of the routine, like before nap time or meals, and first thing in the morning.
And if nothing else works? Call it a break. No shame. You can try again when things feel easier for both of you.
One last thing
If no-one’s told you yet, you’re doing great. And so is your little one.
Not because your toddler is fully potty trained, but because you’re showing up and trying. You’re dealing with the messes and meltdowns, and yet you’re being intentional to love and respect the little person who so desperately needs you.
This stage is temporary. Your child won’t be in nappies forever. And one day, you’ll laugh at the time they peed in your shoe or on the dog’s bed.
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