Neurodivergent children often experience sensory overload. Learn how calming techniques, stimming and daily routines can support their nervous system and wellbeing.
Neurodivergent people often have a range of sensory sensitivities, all of which can overload their nervous systems, triggering those danger responses and contributing to an increase in meltdowns and shutdowns. It might be helpful to think of a meltdown as the fight-or-flight type response and a shutdown as the freeze type response.
The neurodivergent brain operates like an internet browser with 100 tabs open at once. Every time my tech-head son walks past my computer, he says to me, “Mum, you’ll drain your battery so fast with all those tabs open,” as he points to the 37 tabs lining the top of my computer screen, while rolling his eyes at my obvious incompetence.
My response is always the same: “Haha, you think that’s bad, you should see the number of tabs open in my brain.” I laugh . . . and then I cry, because constantly having soooo many tabs open in my mind is utterly draining and exhausting. Sometimes I cannot close them, no matter how hard I try. Because our neurodivergent brains—like an overloaded computer—are trying to process an overwhelming amount of information taken in from an overstimulating world, they often drain quickly, regularly running completely flat and they also take longer to recharge.
Calming techniques for a neurodivergent child
Anxiety is also common in neurodivergent people. The nervous system has to work so much harder just to “fit in” with the neurotypical world, and is often on high alert, which can leave the body feeling stressed. Calming your child’s nervous system is crucial for maintaining overall wellbeing. The good news is there are a number of fairly simple and effective techniques you can use, including:
Deep breathing
Engaging in slow, deep breathing exercises activates the parasympathetic nervous system and reduces stress. The Cosmic Kids website has a great range of fun breathing exercises to engage kids in this practice.
Mindfulness and meditation
These practices promote relaxation and help manage stress responses. Try Soundwalks on ABC Kids Listen for a beautiful break.
Physical activity
Regular exercise helps reduce tension and improve your child’s mood.
Sensory activities
Using weighted blankets, listening to calming music or engaging in gentle touch like massage can help bring a sense of calm.
Nature play
Spending time in nature has been linked to lowering levels of the stress hormone cortisol and boosting mood.
Sleep
Getting enough sleep is crucial for nervous system recovery and stress management. Right now you’re probably laughing or rolling your eyes at the thought of your child getting better sleep, and I so get that. A few things that may help your child wind down for bed include warm baths, gentle music and their favourite bedtime stories (depending on their age). Some people swear by melatonin or a warm glass of milk and a snack. If all else fails, you can do what we had to do, and that’s letting them go to bed watching their favourite movie on repeat. It was honestly the only thing that worked. They got sleep, we got sleep—so don’t judge!
Nutrition
Consuming a balanced diet and proper hydration supports the nervous system. Again, a nutritious diet and neurodivergent kids don’t always go hand in hand, but we do our best. Just remember, every child is unique, so experiment to find what works best. A good dietitian or nutritionist may be able to help.
Structured routines
Maintaining a consistent daily routine provides a sense of stability that may reduce anxiety.
Professional support
Counselling and therapy can provide strategies and support for managing stress and anxiety.
Hobbies and interests
Giving your child opportunities to pursue these can provide an enjoyable and fulfilling distraction and a sense of achievement.
By regularly practising these calming activities with our kids, we can reduce their stress, improve their mood and increase their capacity to focus and cope with daily challenges. This balance is essential for both their physical and mental health, which in turn can minimise the frequency and impact of meltdowns and shutdowns.
Even with all the strategies, meltdowns will happen. In the interview below, Sarah Hayden shares her recommendations on what to do when that happens. She also talks about what it’s like supporting daughter Chloé Hayden on her journey into the public eye and the factors that led her to be the autism advocate she now is.
Stimming
Quite simply, stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviour, is the use of repetitive movements or sounds. For neurodivergent people, stimming can be a natural way to release built-up energy and regain a sense of calm. Interestingly, in some trauma therapies people are now essentially being taught to stim.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) and somatic experiencing use rhythmic or repetitive movements that are similar to stimming to help people process trauma and soothe an overactive nervous system. These therapies recognise the value of self-soothing behaviours, showing that what might look like fidgeting to some is actually a valuable tool for emotional regulation.
Embracing stimming as a therapeutic practice highlights the importance of allowing children to engage in the movements or sounds they need to feel safe and centred, proving once again that the best support often comes from respecting their natural instincts.
So you could say stimming is a primal form of self-regulation—once again proof that neurodivergent people are superior beings!
Everyone, neurodivergent and neurotypical alike, stims at times. Clicking your pen, biting your nails, playing with your hair or tapping your feet are all examples of stimming that most people do every day, often without even realising it. And because most people stim in these ways, they’re quite socially acceptable.
Some examples of stimming behaviours that are associated more with neurodivergent people—and which can be less socially acceptable—include hand flapping, rocking back and forth, finger flicking, or repeating words or phrases (sometimes known as echolalia).
Stimming can be helpful for emotional regulation, a way to “cope” when your nervous system feels overstimulated. It can help to bring a sense of calm within the body when the environment feels anything but. These behaviours can provide comfort, reduce anxiety and help with focusing. They can also be expressions of pure joy, done because they feel good!
Read next: What to do when my child is out-of-control
Text from Parenting Different by Sarah Hayden. Murdoch Books RRP $34.99
Neurodivergent sensitivities and stimming
