Effective ways to support highly sensitive children to help them build confidence, adapt to challenges and thrive in various situations.
If you are raising a highly sensitive child, understanding their unique way of navigating life will make a world of difference for both of you.
When we talk about a “highly sensitive person”, we usually have the stereotypical idea of someone who is easily offended, emotionally fragile or displays passionate feelings. However, highly sensitive people are about much more than just emotions.
You can make some practical changes to your child’s life that will protect their increased sensitivity levels, nurturing them into healthy and happy adults.
What is a highly sensitive person?
A highly sensitive person is someone with a greater sensitivity to physical, emotional or social stimuli. This is neither a disorder nor an illness, but rather a trait many people and several animal species have (including dogs). Even though this personality trait affects approximately 30 per cent of the population, it is not well understood by most people.
Dr Elaine Aron is a psychologist and the leading expert on people with high sensitivity. Her research led to the creation of the highly sensitive person scale, a tool used to identify individuals who possess the highly sensitive person or HSP trait.
It measures areas of:
- sensory processing sensitivity
- emotional sensitivity
- social sensitivity
- thinking sensitivity
- imagination sensitivity
Highly sensitive people are very deep thinkers, creative and empathetic. They also often experience heightened reactions to external stimuli, such as bright lights, loud noises, social stimuli and others’ moods. Because of their deeper processing of sensory input, they tend to be more aware of subtle stimuli in their environment.
This can be particularly challenging for children, especially in environments such as schools or shopping malls, where the hustle and bustle of busy days can feel overwhelming.
Sensory processing sensitivity versus sensory processing disorder
It’s important to differentiate between sensory processing sensitivity—which highly sensitive people experience—and sensory processing disorder.
People with sensory processing sensitivity process sensory information more deeply and are much more aware of environmental stimuli than others. They are highly attuned to subtleties and can pick up on things others may not notice, such as small changes in someone’s mood by facial or vocal changes or slight variations in their surroundings.
In contrast, sensory processing disorder is a neurological condition that can negatively affect how the brain responds to sensory information. A person with sensory processing disorder might find certain textures intolerable, react strongly to loud noises or have difficulty filtering out background sounds.
While some highly sensitive children may display similar traits, most do not have a disorder.
Identifying a highly sensitive child
If you’ve noticed your child becomes overwhelmed by high levels of sensory input, your child may be a highly sensitive person. Perhaps you’ve observed they withdraw from loud settings or easily absorb others’ feelings or moods. Maybe you’ve witnessed them become so moved by the emotions of others they are still thinking about them hours or days later.
While it is a healthy, mature sign for children to avoid aggressive behaviour, highly sensitive children will be even more averse. If they see violence, such as in movies or games, they may cover their eyes or ears, show signs of visible distress or have nightmares. While you may not understand why they are so affected, protecting and caring for them is essential. This is a very real and life-altering experience for them.
Highly sensitive children may also take a lot more time to adjust to new environments, people or situations. They may take a long while to interact with new people as they ascertain whether this person is someone they can feel safe and comfortable around.
Signs that your child may feel overwhelmed could include:
- withdrawing
- constant fatigue
- inability to sleep
- covering eyes or ears
- low appetite
- stomach cramps
- repeated sighing
- weak immune system
- missing or delayed developmental milestones
- nervous twitches (i.e. excessive blinking, skin picking, etc)
- zoning out
- poor memory
- emotional reactivity
- overthinking
Supporting your highly sensitive child
The lights and sounds children are exposed to every day can be overwhelming for a highly sensitive child. Highly sensitive people often carry a heavy load, feeling shame for not getting everything right, as well as a sense of responsibility to help and alleviate everybody else’s distress.
Many children cannot understand their overwhelming feelings and emotions. This can sometimes be expressed through negative behaviour or extreme self-isolation.
Understanding your child’s needs can help you design a safe and nurturing home. Here are some practical ways to support your highly sensitive child:
1. Create a calm environment
Think soothing and peaceful. Minimise bright lights, loud music and TV, and keep the home feeling safe and secure. Keep your child safe by not participating in arguments in front of them or allowing stressful people to visit your home. Provide your child with a cosy retreat where they can read a book or draw a picture.
2. Acknowledge their feelings
Children need to feel you care and are on their side. If they sense you think something is wrong with them or that you don’t want to spend time with them, it will only heighten their distress. Validate your child’s emotions by acknowledging how they feel and showing understanding. Be present with them, affectionate and attentive. This will make them feel safe and comforted.
3. Establish routines
Having a sense of predictability and knowing what to expect will help foster calmness and comfort. Don’t feel like you need their whole day planned out, as that is stressful also. Think wake-up, after-school and bedtime routine.
4. Limit exposure to media
Limiting exposure to overstimulating or distressing media can prevent unnecessary emotional distress even if they “enjoy” a particular program.
5. Give them time
Give them time and space to reflect after social interactions. Help them feel they can talk to you about their experience.
6. Encourage expression
Highly sensitive people often have a rich inner life and can be incredibly creative. Encouraging creative outlets, such as drawing, writing or music, allows them to express their thoughts and emotions positively. It is a great way to get things off their chest too, instead of bottling it up.
7. Teach emotional regulation
A highly sensitive child may struggle with managing big emotions, especially in social situations or when faced with high levels of sensory stimuli. Help them develop emotional regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness or journalling, to cope with their feelings healthily. If you make them feel safe and loved, they will also be able to approach you with their burdens, anxieties and feelings.
8. Promote and teach self-care
Highly sensitive children will be keenly aware of others’ needs but struggle with their own. Tell them they are important and deserve care, and support them in practising it. They don’t need to constantly be on the lookout to help others; they need to learn how to be attuned to their needs and acknowledge the cues their body is giving them.
Highly sensitive people have a super power
Raising a highly sensitive child requires much understanding, patience and empathy, especially if you are not a highly sensitive person yourself. It can be hard to relate when your child gets frightened by the simple story of the Three Little Pigs or is unable to sleep after being misunderstood by someone.
However, your child’s sensitivity is actually their superpower. They are incredibly empathetic, aware and creative, making them much better friends, communicators and creators. If you support them in navigating the world in a way that nurtures their wellbeing, you’ll find they will thrive and develop into deeply caring and influential people.
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