Is gentle parenting losing its impact? Here are some reasons behind its gradual decline and what its future might look like.
If you’ve spent any time in parenting circles—whether online, at playgroups or chatting with fellow mums—you’ve probably heard of gentle parenting. It’s a parenting style that focuses on mutual respect, open communication and truly tuning in to your child’s feelings. Unlike authoritarian parenting, where discipline is strict and often fear-based, gentle parenting techniques aim to guide a child’s behaviour in a way that feels compassionate and connected.
Parenting experts like Sarah Ockwell-Smith have championed this gentle approach, emphasising positive discipline, healthy boundaries and natural consequences instead of old-school punishments.
But lately, there’s been chatter that gentle parenting might be losing steam. So, what’s happening? Are parents abandoning this positive parenting approach in favour of something else? Let’s take a look.
The rise of gentle parenting
Not too long ago, gentle parenting seemed to be everywhere. Thanks to social media, the movement spread like wildfire. Parenting influencers posted about positive reinforcement and shared heartwarming stories of navigating tantrums without resorting to time-outs or punishments. Many of us saw those viral posts about the magic of acknowledging a child’s feelings instead of shutting them down.
Many parents of young children embraced this parenting approach, hoping to break the cycle of traditional parenting styles that often relied on yelling, spanking or dismissing emotions. To them, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Gentle parenting practices appeared to approach discipline differently—trading power struggles for mutual respect and understanding.
3 keys of gentle parenting
There are three main characteristics of gentle parenting.
1. Empathy and emotional connection
Parents acknowledge and validate their children’s emotions, teaching them how to express feelings appropriately. It’s not about avoiding conflict but about working through it together.
2. Respect for the child’s autonomy
Gentle parenting values the child as an individual with their own thoughts, feelings and autonomy. It emphasises collaboration rather than control.
3. Positive discipline
Instead of relying on punishment, this style of parenting uses natural consequences and positive reinforcement. The goal is to teach children right from wrong in a supportive way.
How it compares to other parenting styles
Gentle parenting stands apart from other parenting styles in the following ways:
Authoritarian parenting
Strict, often fear-based, with little room for dialogue. This style focuses on obedience and discipline, often with punishment as a tool for managing behaviour.
Permissive parenting
Warm but indulgent, with few boundaries. Children are given a lot of freedom and discipline is often lacking.
Authoritative parenting
A balance of warmth and structure. This style encourages open communication and firm boundaries, making it a good compromise between permissive and authoritarian styles.
Why gentle parenting might be on the decline
Like everything, there are downsides to this style of parenting that many parents are finding difficult to navigate.
Time and patience
Gentle parenting requires a lot of time and emotional energy. Responding to tantrums with empathy and explaining feelings can be draining, especially when you’re already stretched thin.
As life becomes busier and more stressful, many parents find it difficult to maintain the high level of emotional presence that this style of parenting requires. The constant need for patience, understanding and calm can feel overwhelming, especially when dealing with everyday stresses.
Some advocates also take the extreme approach where even under dangerous or urgent circumstances, parents should always be calm and gentle. If your child is about to run out on to a busy road, the gentle way of speaking may not be the wisest tone of voice.
Unrealistic expectations
With the constant exposure to gentle parenting content on social media, parents can feel the pressure to handle every situation “perfectly”. The idea of always being calm can create unrealistic expectations and lead to burnout.
Lack of results
Unlike authoritarian methods, which may show instant results, the benefits of gentle parenting can take time to become evident. Parents may question whether the method is effective if immediate compliance is not achieved.
Also, many parents may feel like they are trying their best but their children are still forming bad habits and seem to be getting away with wrong behaviour, leaving them feeling exhausted and defeated.
Misinterpreting gentle parenting
One of the biggest misconceptions is that a gentle way of parenting means letting kids do whatever they want with no consequences. Some critics even believe it lacks discipline altogether.
Those who try gentle parenting may also face criticism from others who believe stricter, more traditional methods are better. This can lead to feelings of doubt or isolation for parents trying to navigate this approach.
What now for gentle parenting?
Some parents are gravitating toward authoritative or even more traditional approaches, which offer a clearer structure while still maintaining respect for children. These styles often promise a balance of emotional connection and boundaries, appealing to those seeking quicker results.
Rather than completely vanishing however, gentle parenting seems to be evolving into a blend of different parenting approaches that offer both structure and emotional connection. Some parents are mixing gentle techniques with authoritative methods to find a balance that works for their family. Some people have called this blend “lighthouse parenting”.
The principles of mutual respect, healthy boundaries and open communication remain essential for raising emotionally secure children. To have a loving parent-child relationship, there needs to be safety and security, with balanced mentorship and guidance. Kids do need clear boundaries and consistent consequences. However, they also need understanding, empathy and honest communication without helicopter parenting.
Ultimately, a parent’s job is to be intentional—striving to grow into a healthy, safe and supportive presence in your child’s life. By doing so, you’re equipping them with the tools they need to become healthy, safe and functional adults.
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The gentle decline of gentle parenting
