When you become a mum, your entire life gets consumed by your baby. Feeding, napping, changing, repeating. Somewhere in that fog of sleepless nights and lots of laundry, you might suddenly realise you miss conversations with other women your age that don’t only revolve around nap schedules or Paw Patrol.
But when you finally start venturing back into the world, there’s one big question: How do you actually make new friends now that you’re a mum?
Before we get into what to do, let’s cover a few classic mistakes—things that can make it a bit harder to connect with new people (and yes, we’ve all been guilty of at least one).
How not to make new mum friends
1. Be creepy
There’s friendly and then there’s too much. Saying, “That’s a really nice outfit” is lovely and can start a pleasant conversation. Saying, “I’ve been watching you for the last hour and I love how your outfit brings out your eyes that are blue like the ocean”, not so much. You’re trying to make new friends, not get yourself featured on a neighbourhood watch page.
A good friend will appreciate a sincere compliment. A potential friend will appreciate a little personal space. It’s important to know the difference and what is appropriate, and what might be taken as weird. If you’re in doubt, don’t say it. Instead, talk about the weather or something else that isn’t personal or could be sensitive.
2. Offer unsolicited advice
No-one loves a know-it-all—especially a tired mum who’s just trying to survive the day. Even if you know the “perfect” baby sleep routine, when every mum should be feeding her baby or how to pronounce quinoa, avoid correcting or advising unless you’re asked. The quickest way to lose potential friends is to make them feel judged.
If you really want to help, offer empathy instead. “Oh, I remember those nights. It’s tough!” That goes a lot further than “Have you tried . . .”
3. Stay at home
If you want a social life, you have to actually be social. Saying no to every invite is a guaranteed ticket to Lonely People Island. Even if you’re shy or stuck in your comfort zone, try to show up to at least one social activity now and then: a local playgroup, a book club, a mums’ brunch or a sports team meet-up.
You never know when a new friendship might spark. The first step to finding like-minded people is actually being where the people are.
4. Don’t help
A simple act of kindness goes a long way. Whether it’s holding a pram, offering a tissue or watching someone’s toddler for 30 seconds while they tie their shoe, helping others builds trust. A good thing about kindness is that it’s remembered.
Friendship, after all, is built on small, genuine moments—little things that show you care. You don’t have to do something huge and unrealistically impossible to help someone, like promise to cook a meal for their whole family and clean their entire house. Maybe you know your neighbour always forgets the bins because she’s told you before. Help for her could be sending a text saying that it’s recycling bin day tomorrow, with a smile saying that you nearly forgot too.
5. Talk. And talk. And talk.
We get it, you’ve spent the last 12 months talking mostly to your baby (or your dog). When you finally meet new people, it’s exciting to have an adult conversation again. But don’t let that excitement turn into a monologue.
Avoid dominating the chat with your personal information or every story since high school. Ask questions, listen and let your new friend shine too. The best friendships grow from meaningful conversations, not one-way speeches. If you really want to be interesting, be curious and ask questions. When people feel that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them, suddenly, they want to get to know you more.
How to make new mum friends
So now that we’ve covered what not to do, let’s look at how to genuinely connect with new people and grow your social circle.
1. Attend meet-ups and social activities
The easiest way to meet like-minded people is by showing up to things that interest you. Join a book club, try a mum-and-bub fitness class or attend a park walk/run with other parents. Look for new communities through local Facebook groups or social media, or join one of Mums At The Table’s local meet-up groups across Australia and New Zealand.
Even if you don’t walk away with real friends right away, you’ll have shared a good time and some new experiences.
2. Involve food
Food has magical powers; it breaks the ice faster than any conversation starter. Whether it’s inviting another mum for a cuppa, hosting a casual friend brunch or packing extra snacks for the park, food makes everything more comfortable.
It’s not about being fancy; it’s about creating an easy space to connect. Plus, let’s be honest, who can resist homemade scones or banana bread?
3. Small, thoughtful gestures
You don’t have to go overboard; no need to gift-wrap friendship bracelets. But a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. Remember your friend’s favourite snack or send a text checking in when you know they’re having a hard time.
These meaningful connections come from consistency and care, not big gestures. That’s what turns new connections into great friends.
4. Make eye contact and pay attention
Body language says a lot. When you talk to someone, make eye contact and smile; it shows confidence and warmth. But remember, no staring.
The same goes for listening. Notice the important things they share—their child’s name, the new city they’ve moved to or a common interest like gardening or travel. Showing you remember details proves you’re invested in the new friendship.
5. Balance talking and listening
Good friends listen as much as they speak. Ask open-ended questions: “How’s your week been?” or “What do you love doing when you get a little ‘me-time’?” are great conversation starters.
When they open up, really listen. Make it a meaningful conversation, not just small talk. That’s how real-life friendships grow—from being seen and heard.
6. Keep showing up
Friendship takes time. Sometimes you’ll click right away; other times it takes a few meet-ups to feel comfortable. Don’t give up if it feels awkward at first. Building a friend group or a sense of community doesn’t happen overnight.
Keep reaching out, keep saying yes and keep showing genuine interest. Before long, those new relationships might turn into your closest friends. If they don’t, that’s perfectly okay too. If you keep being proactive about your social life, you’ll find your tribe sooner or later.
The don’ts (One more time)
Let’s recap the top things not to do when making new friends:
- Don’t overshare your entire life story or dump too much personal information right away.
- Don’t stay glued to your phone or scroll social media while someone’s talking.
- Don’t flake on plans; respect people’s time.
- Don’t be overly critical or gossipy about old friends or friends of friends.
- Don’t expect every interaction to suddenly turn into a best friendship instantly.
Friendship isn’t instant coffee—it brews slowly.
Say hello
Making new friends as a mum can feel a little like dating again: nervous, hopeful and slightly awkward. But it’s also one of the best new experiences you can have. These real friends will celebrate your wins, laugh with you through the chaos and remind you that you’re not alone in this wild, wonderful thing called motherhood.
So, step out of your comfort zone, make that phone number exchange and don’t be afraid to smile first. Sometimes, all it takes is a kind word or a shared laugh to start something special.
Your next great friend might be sitting right beside you at playgroup, just waiting for you to say hello.
