Curious about soft parenting and whether it’s right for your family? Here’s a lowdown and why you should pay attention.
You may have noticed it popping up on social media or parenting forums. This “new style” is often positioned as a gentler, calmer alternative to gentle parenting (how can something be even gentler?).
Is soft parenting the new way to parent? Is it better than gentle parenting? We take a look at soft parenting, how it fits in with gentle parenting, what’s helpful about it, what can get tricky and what’s right for you.
A quick overview of parenting styles
If parenting styles feel confusing, you are not alone. For context, here is a simple breakdown of the main parenting styles many people refer to today:
- Authoritative parenting: Warm, responsive and firm. Clear boundaries are set with empathy and guidance.
- Authoritarian parenting: Strict and rule-focused, with high control, high expectations and little emotional warmth.
- Permissive parenting: Very loving but with few rules or consequences.
- Uninvolved (neglectful) parenting: Low warmth and low structure, sometimes associated with neglectful parents who provide minimal guidance or involvement.
Over time, several modern parenting approaches have developed, often overlapping with these core styles:
- Gentle parenting: Relationship-focused, validating a child’s feelings while maintaining clear boundaries, with positive reinforcement.
- Soft parenting: Highly nurturing and accommodating, sometimes avoiding firm limits.
- Attachment parenting: Emphasises closeness, responsiveness and secure attachment.
- Positive parenting: Encourages cooperation through connection, praise and positive discipline.
- Helicopter parenting: Highly involved and protective.
- Free-range parenting: Encourages independence with minimal supervision.
What is gentle parenting?
To better understand soft parenting requires an insight into gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is a well-known parenting philosophy grounded in empathy, emotional regulation, mutual respect and clear boundaries. Compared with authoritarian parents, the gentle parenting approach focuses on guiding rather than controlling children’s behaviour.
At its core, gentle parenting recognises that children, especially younger ones, are still learning how to manage strong feelings, negative emotions and impulses. Gentle parents aim to teach these skills over time rather than demanding instant compliance.
Critics have dismissed gentle parenting in a negative way, likening it to permissive parenting. However, gentle parenting advocates often promise deep connection and emotionally secure kids, believing it aligns closer to an authoritative approach, where warmth and structure exist together.
What gentle parenting looks like in real life
- Acknowledging a child’s feelings without excusing bad behaviour
- Using active listening and empathy
- Holding healthy boundaries even when emotions are high
- Supporting emotional intelligence and healthy emotional development
If your child has a meltdown because they want a chocolate at the checkout, a gentle parenting response might be, “I know you really want it, and it’s hard to hear no. Those are big feelings. We’re not buying chocolate today.”
The child’s feelings are validated, but the boundary stays firm. This is positive discipline in action.
The new method: Soft parenting
Soft parenting is a term that has started gaining traction in recent years, largely through social media and online parenting spaces. At its core, soft parenting is described as a highly nurturing, emotion-focused approach that aims to reduce conflict and prioritise a child’s emotional comfort. Soft parents often place a strong emphasis on protecting children from distress, disappointment or big emotional reactions, sometimes at a very high level.
In practice, this can mean adjusting rules on the spot, softening limits or changing expectations to help children feel calm and settled. Supporters often see it as a gentler alternative to traditional discipline, especially compared to authoritarian parents.
Soft parenting shares many values with gentle parenting, particularly around empathy and emotional safety. However, where the two approaches tend to differ is in how consistently boundaries are held.
What soft parenting can look like
- Avoiding tantrums by giving in
- Over-explaining instead of maintaining limits
- Having a hard time saying no
- Putting children’s emotions above everyone else’s needs
If your child refuses to leave the park, a soft parenting response might be, “Okay, we’ll stay longer. I don’t want you upset.”
This can feel like a good thing in the moment, but over time it can blur boundaries and create confusion.
Gentle parenting versus soft parenting
| Gentle parenting | Soft parenting |
| Holds empathy and firm boundaries together | Holds empathy with inconsistent boundaries |
| Parents act as calm, confident leaders, similar to authoritative parents | Parents can place children in the decision-making role |
| Teaches emotional regulation | Avoids negative emotions |
| Supports long-term social skills | Focuses on short-term peace |
A helpful way to tell the difference between a gentle boundary and a soft one is to ask yourself, “Would I still keep this rule if my child cried?” If the answer is yes, you are likely holding a gentle boundary. Otherwise, you’re practising soft parenting.
Pros and cons of gentle parenting
Pros
- Strengthens the parent-child relationship
- Supports healthy emotional development
- Encourages emotional intelligence
- Has clear expectations
- Promotes mutual respect and emotional safety
- Linked to better social skills over time
Cons
- Emotionally demanding for parents
- Requires patience and consistency
- Often misunderstood
- Takes time to see changes
Pros and cons of soft parenting
Pros
- Highly empathetic and nurturing
- Reduces immediate conflict and challenging behaviour
- Can feel supportive for very young children
- Appeals to parents healing their own childhood experiences
Cons
- Boundaries can become unclear
- Children may struggle with frustration and self-control
- Parents may feel overwhelmed or resentful
- Can increase tantrums and power struggles
What should I choose?
If you’re a parent wondering whether gentle or soft parenting is better, you’re already doing a great job. The fact that you’re reflecting and trying to do the right thing really matters.
Soft parenting and gentle parenting both come from a desire to raise kind, emotionally aware children. Soft parenting is emerging as a newer approach, especially online, but works best when paired with structure. Gentle parenting offers a clearer authoritative approach: Warmth with leadership.
Gentle parenting says, “I see your feelings, and I am still holding the boundary.”
Soft parenting often says, “I will change the boundary to stop the feelings.”
When comparing the two parenting styles, gentle parenting is often the more balanced long-term approach. It reflects what authoritative parents aim for: Empathy paired with leadership, guidance and high expectations that are age-appropriate.
Gentle parenting techniques are effective, but they are not quick fixes. Soft parenting can feel easier in the moment, but over time it may teach children that limits are flexible depending on emotions.
What children really need
Children do not need unlimited choices or constant happiness. Children need:
- Clear and consistent boundaries
- Space to feel strong emotions safely
- Parents who can hold limits with empathy
This balance supports healthy emotional development and positive discipline rather than fear-based compliance.
Life is full of disappointments and frustrations. Helping children learn to cope with emotions, respect boundaries and manage challenges prepares them for the real world far better than removing all discomfort.
Your child does not need perfection. They need parents who show up with confidence, care and consistency. If you are reflecting, learning and trying your best, you are already doing a good thing.
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