Parenting lessons can come from the strangest places—even KPop Demon Hunters. Here’s what this surprising source taught me about raising kids.
I hesitated when my son first requested to watch the Netflix animated film, KPop Demon Hunters. He doesn’t scare easily, but there are things that can scare him badly. They don’t even need to be visual images. He could listen to a music riff or read a description in a book and declare it “too creepy”. The only problem is what frightens him aren’t always the usual suspects, which can make it difficult to anticipate.
Having never watched KPop Demon Hunters—this was before it became the pop culture phenomenon that it is now, with references everywhere—I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. The word demon conjured up in my mind the type of imagery that could possibly haunt my child’s mind for a long time.
Thankfully, the trailer provided hints to the type of movie it was and I decided to take the chance, while also resolving to turn it off at the first sign the content was inappropriate for my child.
Interruptions and interpretations
I didn’t get close to even considering needing to stop playing the film that night. We laughed, I cried (which isn’t surprising considering I cry after almost every episode of Bluey) and our shoulders bopped along to the many catchy tunes within the movie. What I didn’t expect, however, was the ability to share a positive message with my son while watching it.
Saturday movie nights at our place may not be something you’d enjoy doing with my family. Often, I need to hit pause to explain plotlines to my son. There is also frequent chatter while the movie plays, as I often find the stories give me opportunities to talk to my son about values, relationships and compassion.
I never saw it coming, but in the midst of watching KPop Demon Hunters, our conversation became focused on how to overcome negative self-talk. As a person of faith, I even found the opportunity to share the Christian message of forgiveness.
I talked to him about our natural tendencies towards doing “bad things” and feelings of guilt, and how the devil constantly reminds us of our shortcomings and imperfections through negative self-talk (There’s a Bully in My Brain is an excellent children’s picture book on this topic). I had the opportunity to remind my son we don’t have to keep secret our mistakes and the wrong things we do, and we don’t need to hide if we’ve done something wrong, because Jesus is always ready to forgive us.
All of this, from an animation I wasn’t sure I should let my son watch in the first place.
Parenting lessons from KPop Demon Hunters
We want to keep our children safe from the detrimental aspects of screen time. To do so, experts tell us we shouldn’t ban devices from them or restrict access. Instead, our job is to teach them how to be good digital citizens, so they know what to expect when they go online and how to navigate the inevitable negativity they will encounter.
Strangely enough, watching KPop Demon Hunters gave me the opportunity to reflect on our relationship with screen time and the bigger picture of how we connect with our children.
Here’s what KPop Demon Hunters taught me about parenting.
1. Create a culture of open communication
If we encourage our children to come to us whenever they have a question, and if we have shown them we are willing to talk to them openly about things, I believe it will pave the way for the teenage years when they’re prone to withdraw.
So whether I allow or not allow him to do something, he gets the reasons behind the decisions and an explanation on what to do should something go wrong.
The key here is to listen to them as much as (or even more than) we teach or tell them things. We don’t even have to talk about “serious” issues or provide lessons all the time. It’s all about developing a habit of being able to chat about anything under the sun—difficult or otherwise.
And if you’re stuck for conversation ideas, check out some of our social media posts like this one below:
2. Perspectives matter
It’s a cliché for a reason. We are our children’s first teachers. Much like what experts term “implicit theory”, our attitudes, our biasness, our perspectives all influence the way our children view life, the world and others. For example, children are not born racists, they learn to be prejudiced. Similarly, our own beliefs, practices and values will inform how our children perceive and interpret experiences, interactions and their environment.
Whenever possible and appropriate, we need to take the time to talk to our children about the reasons behind things they’ve witnessed, experienced or heard about. It can be difficult to determine the kind of interpretations they would have on things if left on their own. It’s our job to guide them, to help them make better sense of the world.
KPop Demon Hunters isn’t a Christian movie (I’m not quite sure what constitutes one). In fact, I doubt non-Christians watching the film would be able to draw any parallels to religion. What it simply did was enable me to share my perspective with my son.
3. Don’t bubble wrap
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should expose our kids to anything and everything just so we can have conversations with them and guide them towards our perspectives. There are certain news events I’ve chosen not to tell my son because it just isn’t age appropriate. Others simply because I know he’s not ready for them. You know your child best. What is suitable for one child may not be suitable for another.
What I’m choosing for my son is a protected exposure. I want him to know what the world is like. I want him to know what to expect. I want him to know about potential dangers. Watching movies like KPop Demon Hunters gives me the platform to explore potentially dangerous situations without actually putting him in one.
I’m not throwing him to the wolves, so to speak. I am there alongside him in this world, walking and talking with him as he navigates the movies, the influences and the many other experiences, and teaching him the Christian perspective alongside kindness, mercy and love.
It helps me to prepare him for when he faces the world without me. I also hope it helps him see the world and anything that happens through a lens of grace, acceptance and forgiveness, both for himself and others. Most of all, as a Christian, I wish it will ensure he is grounded in God so that his faith continues to develop and strengthen.
4. Have self-compassion
We won’t get it right all the time. In fact, we probably feel like we’ve failed our children most of the time.
Perhaps you feel you’ve missed the chance to develop a culture of open communication and your child chooses withdrawal more than connection. Perhaps you’ve mostly left your children to their own devices, letting them experience and interpret things without your input. Or maybe you feel like you’ve shielded them so much, they don’t really know how to function in the real world.
It’s not too late.
There’s a saying that I have adopted as my philosophy in life which I feel applies here: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” Given the chance, even your older children would rather talk to you, their parents, about their problems.
Start small. Start slow.
A note to Christian parents
It would be remiss of me not to address the concerns some parents—particularly Christian ones—would have about movie watching, especially one like KPop Demon Hunters. Some may feel it’s glorifying the devil over God. Others believe it can desensitise us to the devil’s deception and is a slippery slope to draw us away from our faith.
This may all be true. The only thing I can say is to have that conversation with God. He will tell you the right course of action. I am in no way endorsing my choices as the Christian way of life. We all have different paths to take. For some, it could mean avoiding films like KPop Demon Hunters or even movies altogether. For others, it may be an opportunity to interpret the world we live in through a Christian lens.
I simply hope you can respect my opinions and my convictions as much as I do yours.
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