“Nan” or “Pop” may equal fun, adventure, home-cooked meals and stories, but grandparents can also profoundly help shape children’s emotional, cognitive and social development.
In this article, we’ll explore the benefits of intergenerational relationships, how to maintain a close bond despite distance, what healthy boundaries look like and what happens if a child has no living biological grandparents.
The benefits of grandparent-grandchild relationships
Grandparents have long been a cherished part of family life. For many kids, they embody love, wisdom and stability. Here are some other reasons grandparents are great.
Emotional support and stability
Grandparents often provide emotional stability and reassurance to children, offering a safe space that complements parental roles. A study found that strong grandparent-grandchild relationships are linked to reduced rates of depression and anxiety in children. These results were more significant in families with a single-parent home or children who didn’t have positive relationships with their parents. These bonds can act as a buffer during stressful periods, such as family transitions or parental separations, supporting children to feel secure and loved. This emotional support is precious for young children and can contribute to a child’s healthy development. A grandmother is often the best “child care”, providing more than a regular child carer could through love, affection and a healthy family bond.
Cultural and family heritage
Grandparents are often the keepers of family traditions, stories and cultural values. By sharing tales from the past, teaching recipes or passing down traditions, they enrich a child’s understanding of their heritage. This connection fosters a sense of identity and belonging, which research shows is essential for a child’s self-esteem and emotional health. For adult children and young people, this continuity can be a source of pride and grounding in their family’s history.
Cognitive development and education
Interactions with grandparents can boost cognitive development. Children who spend time with older adults may have improved vocabulary and listening skills due to their grandparents’ different communication styles. Additionally, older generations can support academic development by helping with homework or providing informal lessons rooted in their expertise. This type of practical support can supplement the learning provided by primary caregivers and parents.
Social skills and empathy
Engaging with grandparents can help children develop strong social skills and empathy. Children learn patience, active listening and appreciation of diverse perspectives by interacting with older people from different age groups. This cross-generational connection can teach children the value of respect and understanding, contributing to their overall emotional intelligence. These interactions can shape young people to be more compassionate and socially adept.
Navigating geographical distance: Staying connected from afar
With many families separated geographically, it’s crucial to understand how grandparents can continue to be a positive influence even from afar. Maintaining a close relationship with grandparents while living far apart can be challenging for many families. However, distance does not mean disconnection.
Consider the example of a family where grandparents live overseas but stay connected by reading a chapter of a book to their grandchild over video call each week. This small ritual improves literacy and provides a weekly dose of bonding. Similarly, some families share a digital photo album that grandparents contribute to, allowing them to stay updated with everyday moments like school projects and playdates.
For families navigating family court situations, maintaining these connections can support the child’s sense of stability. Using technology, grandparents and extended family members can feel connected even when they are far apart.
Here are some practical ways to foster meaningful bonds:
Embrace technology
Video calls, instant messaging and social media have transformed how families stay connected. Regular video calls via platforms like Zoom or FaceTime allow grandparents to participate in daily routines, read stories or witness milestone moments such as birthdays and school performances.
Schedule a consistent time for virtual “visits”, such as on Sunday afternoons, to establish a routine children can anticipate and enjoy. This consistency reinforces the special relationship between the child and the grandparent.
Send personalised letters and care packages
There’s something timeless and special about receiving a handwritten letter or a thoughtful care package. Grandparents can write letters sharing stories from their childhood, offer advice, or even include puzzles and activities for the grandchildren. These tangible connections help create a bridge between generations and offer children keepsakes that they can treasure. For young children, such packages remind them of their grandparents’ presence. Kids can return the favour by sending gifts and letters to their grandparents. What grandparent doesn’t love receiving a handmade card or gift from a small child?
Encourage grandparents to include small surprises like photos, stickers or little crafts to make the package feel more personal and engaging. This approach can also involve new grandparents who are embracing their new role.
Participate in shared hobbies virtually
Sharing a hobby with grandparents is a great way for children to build a bond and promote communication. Whether baking a favourite family recipe, gardening or working on a craft project, shared hobbies can be enjoyed together online. Grandparents can guide children through simple projects over video calls, creating a collaborative, interactive experience.
Maintaining healthy boundaries with grandparents
While grandparental involvement is invaluable, families need to establish clear boundaries to ensure the relationship remains positive and healthy. New parents should be particularly open and honest about their boundaries and expectations to ensure everyone is on the same page.
Grandparents should support, not override, the parents’ approach to child-rearing. This respect for boundaries ensures that grandparents’ involvement enhances rather than conflicts with the primary caregiving environment.
Parents can have regular conversations with grandparents to discuss how they can best support the family’s needs without overstepping. This dialogue helps all family members, including the children’s parents, align their roles.
Also, being a grandparent doesn’t give one automatic rights to see their grandchild. While the Family Law Act recognises the significant people in a child’s life who contribute to their wellbeing, a child’s health, safety and long-term wellbeing should be of first priority. If grandparents cannot provide that, they do not have a legal right to the grandchild.
Grandparents may apply to the family court to see their grandchildren, seeking a parenting order to accommodate their involvement. It’s always important to seek legal help if you have any questions about court orders or speak with a family dispute resolution service.
Not everyone has grandparents
Many kids don’t have grandparents who they can turn to because their grandparents are ill, have passed away, or are disengaged or unsafe due to family tensions. Families in these situations often ask healthy and safe older friends to be the fill-in “Nan” or “Pop”, giving their child a sense of grandparents.
By intentionally nurturing healthy grandparent connections, families can create a web of love and support that transcends miles, weaving grandparents into the fabric of children’s upbringing in a nurturing and enduring way.
This involvement can be a huge boost in the overall development and best interests of the child. It underscores the important roles grandparents can play in their grandchildren’s lives—even when they are not the primary caregivers.
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