While it is often said that “it takes a village to raise a child”, it is equally true that “it takes a village to raise a mum”.
The original saying comes from an African proverb where traditionally, mums are always in a network of other mums.
Motherhood is a transformative journey filled with joys, challenges and countless moments of growth. The support and companionship of a community are super important to new mothers as they navigate the complexities of parenthood.
We spoke to six mums about why they need a mums’ group and what their ideal group would look like. Here’s what we found:
Mums want community
Motherhood can be an isolating experience. This can feel especially true in the early months when the demands of caring for a newborn can be overwhelming. A supportive community offers a lifeline, providing new mothers with a network of peers who understand their struggles and triumphs. This sense of belonging and mutual support is crucial for a mother’s mental health and emotional wellbeing.
“[The best type of mums’ group] is a community of mums and kids who feel safe and welcoming. A place we feel seen and understood, where the mums get it and there aren’t cliques,” says Heidi, a 31-year-old mum. “Also, a place where I feel I can contribute and where my kids can learn confidence, be creative and hopefully make life-long friends. It would be a huge bonus if the mums’ group had similar values to mine around parenting.”
A good community looks like belonging, feels like home and nourishes. There’s someone you can trust, ask questions to, feel heard by, and also share friendship and play with the kids.
For many mums, family may be unavailable, too far away or not present. Sometimes there’s no younger brother or sister to play with, and it’s lonely at home. This can make caring neighbours or social networks of mums and kids a kind of extended family, and a safe place for learning and recreation. Your children play and make friendships with other people’s children, while you find a sisterhood with other mums.
Being in a new country can make it extra scary, but mums’ groups are often a cultural hub. Mums from all over the world seek out community, and so it can also feel better knowing there is a mum who speaks your language and comes from your country going to the local mums’ group.
Mums want relatability
Every mum wants to feel that she’s not the only one with a baby who cries all night, has difficulties breastfeeding or can’t cure her child’s nappy rash. She needs to know she’s not struggling alone or doing something wrong. Mums’ groups can provide the necessary assurance that they are doing okay, that this crazy new life of motherhood can feel just that—crazy.
“It was more to listen to other mums and their struggles and maybe get some reassurance that I am not a terrible mum when nothing happened like I dreamed it would,” said 43-year-old Antonia. “Listening to other horror stories of babies not sleeping, houses being a mess, mums feeling like crap all day due to lack of sleep, depression or lack of family support helped me feel like I am not alone.”
Mums need to know they are seen and heard. They need the assurance that someone understands their struggles which often feel very internal, isolating and unique, when they’re not.
Mums want friendships
“I really want my kids to have a place to play and learn,” says Jane, a 30-year-old mum “I didn’t have any real friends growing up and I don’t want my kids going through life feeling lonely.”
A huge motivation for mums to join a local mums’ group is for friendship for themselves and their children. A significant factor contributing to child development is social interaction—without that young children can struggle to find their identity and belonging in the big wide world.
“I want a place where my kids can learn how to make friends and fit into a group,” says 33-year-old Elizabeth. “I don’t want them growing up insecure like I did. My ideal mums’ group is where I can make friends myself, have a laugh and cry together.”
Local communities of families are a great place to start friendships. You may also be able to find friendships that last over the span of your and your child’s life. What a gift!
Finding your mums’ group
A new environment can feel daunting and you may feel unsure about going. It can also take a couple of times before you find where you fit, especially if you’re a little more reserved. The dynamics of a mums’ group may change from week to week, thanks to sick kids and bad weather. Give a group a good shot before deciding it’s not for you.
Your mums’ group should be a safe space with similar family values, and where people bring their lived experience and share connections. Other mums are going through similar life experiences as you. You don’t have to do this alone.
Whether you’re struggling with a sick child, a messy house or maybe even suffering through a medical condition, feel assured that there are other mums who can relate to you and your story. They can be a pillar of friendship and support for you.
The local connection
Mums’ groups can be handy for recommendations for local professional services, help with difficult family situations and even support for young people. There are millions of families across Australia who reach out for such support and you’re entitled to it too.
There are many different ways to find the right mums’ group, but we have a shortcut. We have mums’ groups all over Australia and New Zealand, with mums just like you. We’re all united in our common purposes, so why not ride this wild rollercoaster together!
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