Here’s why I’m not embracing the tradwife trend and what choosing a different path means for womanhood, identity and partnership.
The “tradwife” movement has grown on social media over the last little while, complete with romanticised images of women baking bread, keeping spotless homes and embracing traditional gender roles. The tradwife lifestyle involves staying home, taking care of children and focusing on domestic duties while supporting your husband.
While I understand the appeal of simplicity, structure and nostalgia, I can’t help but feel uneasy.
What is the tradwife trend?
The term “tradwife” is short for “traditional wife”. The tradwife trend is often seen as a pushback or response against feminism or the chaos of modern life. Instead of expecting women to “do it all”, the idea is to slow down and focus on the home.
It describes a woman who intentionally chooses to embrace roles that were more common in past decades—caring for the home, raising children and supporting her husband while he works outside the home. This lifestyle is based on the traditional concept of gender roles, where the husband provides financially and the wife tends to the household and children.
Though the tradwife lifestyle isn’t new, social media has given it a fresh spotlight. Platforms like TikTok, Instagram and YouTube have allowed women to share their experiences, offering a behind-the-scenes look at the lives they’ve chosen. Influencers like Hannah Neeleman at Ballerina Farm, Estee Williams and even Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, with her With Love, Meghan series, highlight their traditional lifestyles, showcasing home-cooking, parenting and family-centred activities. These women proudly share their choice to live as stay-at-home mums, finding fulfilment in their domestic roles.
The appeal of the tradwife lifestyle
There are definitely aspects of the tradwife movement that resonate with me. I love interior decorating and creating a beautiful, comfortable and inviting home. I enjoy organising our home, keeping things minimal and tidy, and following a good schedule that helps keep everything in balance.
It’s a joy for me to cook meals that excite my husband. I genuinely enjoy being the one to make sure he feels nurtured and appreciated. I aspire to become a true expert in hospitality and a master in the kitchen. I dream of learning to make artisanal baked goods, craft nut cheeses, coconut yogurt from scratch, sew my clothes and cultivate an immaculate garden.
I like the idea of keeping my kids at home for as long as possible, teaching them valuable life skills and creating an environment where they feel like they truly belong; where they understand that family isn’t just something they’ve been thrown into by chance but a place where they are cherished and valued.
The dark side of the tradwife
However, aspects of the tradwife movement don’t sit well with me and leave me feeling concerned. The idea that only men should work or manage finances, or that women are only suited for domestic duties, is both limiting and outdated. It perpetuates the idea that men are somehow incapable of managing things around the house, relegating them to tasks like mowing the lawn and taking out the rubbish.
At the same time, it suggests that women have no place outside of the home and are somehow less capable in other areas. This narrow view of gender roles is not only unrealistic but also dismissive of the many ways women contribute to society beyond the home, as well as the valuable contributions men make within the home.
In my home, my husband and I share roles equally. I manage the finances and I probably do about 80 per cent of the cooking. He takes care of car maintenance and handles the rest of the cooking. We both share the responsibility of cleaning the house and he’s more than happy to iron his clothes.
There’s never any pressure on either of us to take on specific tasks based on gender; we simply adapt as needed. When one of us is busy or overwhelmed, the other steps in to help. If there’s something we don’t know how to do, we learn it together. It’s all about balance, mutual respect and teamwork.
A woman’s place
I don’t hold to the belief that a woman’s place is only in the kitchen or bedroom. It’s reductive and cult-like. If a couple decides the mum wants to stay home while the dad goes off to work, that’s fine, but it shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule.
Another deeply harmful idea that can emerge within the tradwife identity is the notion that women are incapable of making decisions on their own and must rely solely on their husband’s intelligence. While couples need to make decisions together, this is about teamwork, not about women being inferior to men. When women are coerced or manipulated into surrendering their individuality and intuition, essentially merging into their partner’s second self (a concept promoted by many cult leaders as the ultimate form of marriage), they can often find themselves trapped in unhealthy dynamics, including domestic violence, sometimes without even realising it.
Married women are not second-class citizens who must defer to their husbands because they are somehow inferior. Instead, husbands and wives are equal partners in a team, working together to build a healthy, balanced marriage—not a hierarchy.
Throughout history, countless women have made groundbreaking contributions that have profoundly shaped the world. From Marie Curie, whose pioneering work in radioactivity revolutionised science and medicine, to Florence Nightingale, whose innovations in nursing and healthcare laid the foundation for modern medical practices, women have been at the forefront of change. Figures like Rosa Parks, who became a symbol of the civil rights movement, and Malala Yousafzai, who continues to inspire with her advocacy for girls’ education, show how women have fought for justice and equality.
These incredible women and many others have used their courage, intelligence and determination to break down barriers, challenge societal norms and create lasting legacies. Their stories remind us of the immense power women have in shaping a better world for all—and not just domestically.
Defining the best wife
While there are plenty of things us wives may feel we could do better, the real qualities that make the best wives are the things on the inside: Honesty, integrity, confidence, wholeness and having a growth mindset. The best wives aren’t necessarily the ones who keep the house perfect but invest in themselves, their marriage and their kids.
The tradwife trend is not for everyone. Some women may feel called to build careers, pursue personal ambitions or juggle both work and home life. I for one, don’t want to spend my entire life only homemaking. I have many other gifts and skills to enjoy and offer the world, not just cooking and cleaning.
Women should be free to choose their own path without judgement or coercion.
The tradwife may claim she doesn’t have a career, but in today’s world, she is often a full-time content creator, making money online. The idyllic image of the little house with the happy, peaceful stay-at-home mum is often much more bustling and exhausting than social media platforms lead us to believe.
Meaning, not tradition
The tradwife movement paints a romanticised picture of traditional marriage and simpler times, but in reality, every woman’s journey is unique. While some find fulfilment in embracing traditional roles, others recognise the contradictions in the curated world of tradwife influencers and monetised tradwife content.
Tradwives will continue to promote their lifestyle because there will always be people who are interested and identify with them.
Some women will view a career as beneath a woman’s true purpose, while others will see being a stay-at-home mum as limiting or outdated. Either way, people should have the freedom to make healthy choices for themselves and their families. Some women choose traditional marriage, while others prefer to go out and have a career.
At its core, the conversation isn’t about rigid roles but the freedom to make meaningful lifestyle choices. Whether supporting one’s husband, building a home or pursuing a career, women deserve the space to define fulfilment on their own terms.
Read next:
Tradwife: I respect your apron—but I’ll pass
