Many sextortion scams are targeting teens. Learn how to spot the signs, talk to your child about online safety and what to do if it happens.
It starts off innocently enough. Your tween or teen meets someone online. They’ve talked on Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok or some other social media network for a while. Sometimes, they’re not even a stranger, strictly speaking—they have mutual friends. Often, they’re attractive, attentive and come across as trustworthy.
After a while, they ask your child for a “private selfie“; perhaps they had sent one to your child first. Your child thinks it’s harmless. They’re a good friend and your child likes them. Maybe the photo doesn’t even show their face.
Things however take a different turn when they send the photo.
What is sextortion?
Sexual extortion or “sextortion” is a form of blackmail where someone threatens to share an intimate image or video of you unless you meet their demands. Often, they’ll intimidate you by promising to send the compromising content to everybody on your contact list unless you send money or more explicit images or videos of yourself.
While sextortion can happen to anyone, young people are often targeted because they may not fully understand online risks and can be more trusting or vulnerable.
The most important thing we can do as parents is to have open conversations with our children. If they know you won’t judge them for their decisions (or missteps), if they know they can trust you to help them through difficult situations, they’ll have a better chance of not falling victim to sextortion.
The proposed social media ban and its impact on sextortion
From December 10, under-16s in Australia are in theory “banned” from accessing social media sites, where many sextortion cases have been known to occur. While the move may seem to remove the threat of our children falling victims to sextortion, it doesn’t mean it’s a topic parents don’t need to think about.
At the time of writing, there is still no clear picture as to how platforms will be able to successfully prevent underage users from accessing their sites. Even if a viable system is implemented, there is no telling what kind of workarounds will next emerge.
Our jobs as parents is to protect our children from danger, but it doesn’t mean bubble-wrapping them so they don’t even know threats exist. If our children know about the potential risks (in age-appropriate ways), they will be better at managing them and protecting themselves. It’s never too early and never too late.
Talking about sextortion with your tweens or teens
Kirra Pendergast is a globally recognised digital safety educator. She believes parents can sometimes find it challenging to broach the sensitive topic of sextortion with their children, and therefore avoid it altogether. Much like the topic of sex education, however, it’s only through talking about it with our children that we are able to guide them towards a better and safer way.
Here are some tips from Kirra on how to discuss sextortion with your tweens or teens:
1. Remind them it’s not their fault
- It’s a serious form of blackmail and it’s never okay.
- If you’re ever targeted, it’s not your fault and I am here to help you.
2. Address the legalities
- Sharing personal images is illegal when you’re under 18 but if you’re being threatened or blackmailed with such images, you are not the one who’s in trouble here.
- The person doing the sextortion is breaking the law.
- If it ever happens to you and we notify the police, they will tell you not to send another image like that ever again and they will go straight after the people trying to extort you. It may be a little embarrassing, but you will not get in trouble.
3. Explain the power of speaking up
- Choosing to talk about being sextorted can feel daunting and embarrassing, but it’s one of the bravest things you can do.
- People behind sextortion rely on fear and shame to control the victim.
- When you share what’s happening with someone you trust, you’re reclaiming your power and setting the wheels in motion to get the right help.
- There are organisations and professionals that specialise in helping people through situations like sextortion. They’re trained to handle everything with care and confidentiality. They understand the stress and fear you might feel, and they’re here to support you without judgement.
4. Open the door to communication
- We’re here for you today, tomorrow, and every day after that.
- We love you no matter what.
- If you’re dealing with sextortion, or you’re worried about a friend who might be, please come and talk to us.
- It’s essential that we make it normal to talk about hard things like sextortion. Having questions, needing help or wanting to talk things through is okay.
- You’re surrounded by people who care about you and will help you navigate these times safely together.
- Remember, reaching out for help isn’t just okay, it’s a courageous and crucial step in looking after yourself and your future.
What to do if your child is being sextorted
The eSafety Commissioner is an Australian government agency that helps promote online safety. Here’s what they advise you to do if your child is being sextorted:
- Cease all communication with the blackmailer. Stop all contact and do not pay the blackmailer or provide any more intimate content.
- Seek additional support. If your child needs further support, you can contact Lifeline or Kids Helpline 24/7 for immediate assistance.
- Report the incident. If they’re under 18, report it to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation. If they’re over 18, report it to the platforms where the blackmailer contacted them. If their intimate image or video is shared, or the platform doesn’t help, report it to eSafety.
Safe online habits
Detective Inspector Jon Rouse spent years working in Queensland Police’s Taskforce Argos, which investigates internet-facilitated crimes against children. One of the most dangerous things he believes parents can do is to allow children to be alone and unsupervised with an “internet-capable device”.
Other tips to keep children safe online from experts familiar with child exploitation crimes include:
- Making sure online device use is in a space where others can see and hear what they are doing.
- Only accepting friend requests and talking to people online that they actually know in person (but not meeting up with those they’ve met online).
- Configuring the strongest privacy settings on all social media apps and sites. Review them regularly as updates may change settings.
- Allow only their circle of friends to view their information, tag them in a photo or share posts.
- Using strong passwords and not sharing them.
- Spending a healthy time online and offline.
- Never sending an explicit photo or video to anyone, no matter how much you trust them.
A screen time plan or contract can be a good way to get your child to create and agree on specific guidelines. You can download our free printable below.
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Most importantly, keep your cool
Our children are going to make mistakes in their life. While some mistakes will be bigger than others, losing our temper or composure will only make things worse, as they can interpret it as you being angry at or blaming them. They need to know we won’t get angry with them if there’s a problem and we will be there with them to work out a solution together.
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